As a father and CEO of Wills.com, I deeply understand the importance of securing our children's future through diligent estate planning. I must confess, even I procrastinated on this crucial task for years. Now, with our beloved baby girl, Luna Bee, in our lives, the stakes feel even higher. She's our pride and joy, and the thought of anything happening to us leaves a chill in my heart. Though my wife would undoubtedly do an incredible job raising her alone, the worst-case scenario would be both of us passing away, leaving Luna to face this vast world without our guidance and protection. Having endured the chaos of my father's passing without a will, my brothers and I suffered tremendously from having to guess his wishes—a situation I vow to prevent for my own child.
Luna is now ten months old, crawling, and will soon walk. While my wife and I are healthy, the unpredictable nature of life has hit home, making me realize how irresponsible I've felt for not updating my will with a solid backup plan. Originally, we appointed my sister-in-law as the guardian, but circumstances have changed—her husband is now ill, and adding more children to her care is something I cannot consider. Yet, making time to update our will on wills.com and opting for remote notarization continues to slip through the cracks of our busy lives. In conversations with fellow parents, I found I'm not alone in this oversight. Many expressed a desire to revise their guardianship choices, and surprisingly, several admitted they hadn't drafted a will at all, jokingly suggesting that "death isn’t an option" for them.
But the harsh reality is that tragedies do happen. While we can't prepare for every eventuality, arranging for our children's care in case of our untimely demise is a tangible step towards securing their future. I've consulted with estate lawyers, family experts, social workers, mental health professionals, and families who've faced sudden losses.
Here’s what you need to know to make informed decisions that could spare your family time and trauma after an unexpected loss.
Fear of Estate Planning
It's crucial to confront and overcome any fears or superstitions about discussing death. "I understand the fear," shared Hospice Nurse Penny during my interview with her on The Fabric of Reality podcast. Many of her patients know their end is near and thus have time to prepare, a luxury not everyone has. Dr. Lawana Gladney, a psychologist from Texas and another podcast guest who has experienced profound personal loss, described the fear of death as a widespread issue. She pointed out that societal influences often exacerbate our fears, but the unknown aspects of death can paralyze us, stopping us from taking necessary actions to secure our families' futures.
Don’t Wait
Neglecting to appoint a guardian for your children can lead to turmoil should the unthinkable happen. Numerous estate planning attorneys confirm the risks, including the distressing possibility of your children ending up in foster care. "The absence of a directive after the parents' death leads to court intervention to decide what's best for the child," I learned in discussions with experts. Young children won't have their voices heard in such decisions, potentially leading to contested guardianship battles. Ted Froum, an estate lawyer in Evanston, emphasized the significance of parental input: "Parents' choices are crucial. Without your direction, the court might make a decision that doesn't align with your wishes." If you're unsure about how to proceed, consider consulting a legal professional. Many communities offer free legal resources through local law schools, the American Bar Association, or organizations like Public Counsel for those unable to afford private counsel.
Choosing a Guardian Wisely
When selecting a guardian for your children, consider these crucial factors to ensure your children's well-being and alignment with your family values and logistical realities:
- Financial Capability: It's not just about love and care; ensuring the guardian is financially stable is crucial. Distinguish between the guardian of the child and the fiduciary responsible for financial decisions. Sometimes, setting up a trust might be wise to manage financial provisions as they mature.
- Lifestyle and Values Compatibility: Align your children's upbringing with guardians who share your family values and lifestyle. This includes religious practices and educational expectations. Effective communication about your parenting desires is essential for consistency in your children’s upbringing.
- Physical and Emotional Capacity: Consider the age and health of potential guardians. Young children require energetic caregivers, which might be challenging for older relatives. Also, evaluate the emotional maturity and stability of the potential guardian to ensure they are ready for such a responsibility.
- Geographical Considerations: The location of the guardian affects your children's lives significantly. It’s preferable if the guardian can maintain the children’s current lifestyle, school, and social circle. Legal implications of moving children across state lines or internationally should be considered and possibly discussed with a legal professional.
- Legal Eligibility: Guardians must be over 18, of sound mind, and not severely constrained legally, such as by incarceration.
- Backup Options: Life is unpredictable. Listing an alternate guardian ensures there is a plan in place should the primary guardian become unable to serve. This avoids leaving the decision solely to the courts, which may not know your preferences.
- Team Dynamics: If roles are split between physical guardianship and financial management, ensure the appointed individuals can collaborate effectively. Conflict between guardians can lead to decisions that do not best serve the child’s interests.
By considering these factors, you can make an informed decision that protects your children’s future and aligns with your values, reducing the potential for conflict and ensuring that your wishes are honored. For detailed guidance tailored to your specific circumstances, consider consulting with an estate planning attorney.
Securing Consent Before Appointing Guardians
One common oversight in naming guardians in wills is failing to discuss the decision with the chosen individuals beforehand. While some parents may opt to keep their choice of guardian a secret to avoid potential conflicts, this approach can lead to complications. It is crucial to ensure that the person you are considering is both willing and prepared for the responsibility of raising your children.
- Communication is Key: It’s essential to have an open conversation with potential guardians to discuss what raising your child would entail. This gives them a chance to consider whether they can commit to such a significant role. It also allows you to gauge their enthusiasm and readiness, which are critical factors in ensuring the well-being of your children.
- Cultural Considerations: In many cultures, such as in Catholic communities, godparents play a vital role and are often present at significant milestones, like baptism. These traditions can influence decisions about guardianship. For instance, we celebrated our daughter’s baptism in Mexico City, honoring a longstanding family custom.
- Planning for Contingencies: Life’s uncertainties necessitate having backup plans. Due to unforeseen circumstances, such as the illness of a potential guardian's spouse, it’s wise to consider multiple alternatives. We are contemplating up to three backup guardians to ensure that our children are cared for, no matter what the future holds.
- Discussion with Your Spouse: Finally, making such decisions should be a joint effort. Discuss with your spouse the implications of each choice, considering all variables including the health, stability, and geographical location of potential guardians. This collective decision-making ensures that all factors are thoroughly evaluated and that both parents are comfortable with the final arrangement.
You can change your mind.
At Wills.com, you have the flexibility to update your will or create a completely new one at any time. Approximately one-third of our members return to make amendments, often changing their initial choices for guardians—many switch from grandparents to another guardian as circumstances change. Updating your will on our platform is straightforward: simply log into your account and adjust the necessary sections.
There’s no legal obligation to inform your previous guardians of these changes, though it might be prudent if you anticipate any disputes. Ultimately, updating your will is about ensuring the best interests of your children are met. “It just comes out in the wash. They’ll find out eventually, and you acted in the best interest of your children. Once it’s done, it’s out of your hands,” one of our legal advisors noted.
When to Review Your Guardian Choice
It's wise to revisit your guardian selection regularly, especially during major family changes like divorce or remarriage. For example, if a parent is no longer actively involved in their child's life due to distance or other commitments, it's crucial to assess who would best care for the child if something happens to the custodial parent.
Key Moments for Updates:
- Divorce and Remarriage: Changes in marital status can significantly impact your child's future guardianship. If one parent is not involved, consider specifying in your will that the guardian should maintain connections with the child's extended family. Although not legally binding, expressing these wishes can guide court decisions if there’s ever a dispute.
- Concerns of Abuse: If there's a history of abuse, substance issues, or other harmful behaviors from the other parent, clearly state in your will that you do not want them to have custody. While courts generally favor the surviving parent, they will consider your documented concerns, especially if they align with the child's best interests.
- Child's Identity: If you worry that a guardian might not accept or support your child’s LGBT identity, choose someone who will provide a loving and accepting environment. It’s important for your child to be raised in a supportive atmosphere.
- Practical Tip: Review and update your guardianship plans regularly to adapt to life changes. On Wills.com, updating your will is straightforward, allowing you to ensure your child’s welfare continuously.
Secure Your Child’s Future with a Clear Plan
Drafting a will is just the beginning. To fully secure your child’s future, consider creating a detailed guide outlining their care and education. Whether you envision them attending a Catholic school or learning a trade, documenting these preferences can prevent uncertainties and disputes among guardians.
I cannot stress enough the importance of having clear instructions. "Having everything clearly laid out allows life to move forward smoothly," especially if I were to pass away unexpectedly. I want the best possible future for my child, free from family interference, as case studies show that family interventions often lead to misunderstandings. A well-documented plan reduces disputes and makes it difficult for others to contest your wishes.
Don’t wait until it’s too late. Visit wills.com today to prepare for your child’s future. Remember, unexpected events can happen at any time. It’s better to be prepared and not need your plans than to need them and not have them ready. So, what are you waiting for? Get your plans in order now at wills.com because when you’re young and healthy, you never think disaster will strike—but it can.
As a father and CEO of Wills.com, I deeply understand the importance of securing our children's future through diligent estate planning. I must confess, even I procrastinated on this crucial task for years. Now, with our beloved baby girl, Luna Bee, in our lives, the stakes feel even higher. She's our pride and joy, and the thought of anything happening to us leaves a chill in my heart. Though my wife would undoubtedly do an incredible job raising her alone, the worst-case scenario would be both of us passing away, leaving Luna to face this vast world without our guidance and protection. Having endured the chaos of my father's passing without a will, my brothers and I suffered tremendously from having to guess his wishes—a situation I vow to prevent for my own child.
Sources:
The Fabric Of Reality Podcast